“You deserve more of their attention than their phone does. You deserve quality time, not just time. You deserve effort not just routines. You deserve to be treated as if you are a priority, not the last thing on their checklist. You are special and you deserve to be the only option, if that is too much to ask, you are asking it from the wrong person then. Begging to be loved is suicide.” – Pierre Alex
In this blogpost, I will show you what are the roots to successful and deep relationships. The secrets behind what builds a truly romantic relationship and above all, what makes a relationship, a special one. Relationship. It is defined as the way in which two people are connected. Special means better, greater and perhaps different than the usual. Special relationships are quite rare. But I’m here to help. Let’s begin.
If you love someone, you have to prove it and show it in many different forms. Love is not a noun to be defined, but a verb to be acted upon. Physical attractions are common, but a real mental connection is rare, very rare. Most relationships are tiresome, boring and emotionally unsatisfactory, but one where you are a king and a queen to each other is the sort of relationship where it’s crazy, crazy good.
Any person out there can just go ahead and buy roses, chocolates, and jewellery, this doesn’t necessarily show any true love, though it can make a woman happy, whether friends or not. If it is real, then it’ll naturally show. How? Because it’d be your hobby to do so. Missing your partner should be your hobby, appreciating and valuing your partner is your job in the relationship, making him/her feel special must be your duty and loving your partner is the life of the relationship.
It’s about going out of your comfort zone to see a smile on your partner’s face. The way you hold her/his hand when you know that they’re scared and petrified, when you never stop trying to care about them even if you already have them since years perhaps, or when you save that last piece of pizza for them. The random yet romantic text that you send in the middle of the day, just to say “I love you” or “I miss you” to the love of your life. Telling them that they’re beautiful, even when she’s in her sweats; with her hair in a ponytail and no makeup at all or if he is in his stained hoodie unable to sleep. Because, you see their beauty differently. It’s pausing your best online video game or putting your favourite TV-show on pause so you can listen about their, and laugh at their jokes, even if they are flimsy. It’s stopping your work at home so your Queen can tell you about her day. It’s kissing with crazy dancing in the rain and slow dancing in the kitchen. It’s the surprise kiss on her neck when you both are in the elevator because, love, that’s why.
Romance isn’t always about buying, it’s about caring, it is in the gestures. Welcome to my world of romance. We are just getting started. Buckle up, because it’s about to get deep. You can thank me later.
“In your silence was everything you wanted to say. In your smile was the reflection of your heart. In your sarcasm was the truth that needed to be expressed. In your “whatever” were deeply buried thoughtful suggestions. In your “okay” were cries to be listened and understood. In your sighs were warnings. In your, “it’s fine” responses were wake up calls. In your tears were your heart’s desires.” – John M
You know you are in a special relationship when that ‘One day’ comes. You know, that one special day. Let me elaborate. One day, there will be no need to wear a bullet proof vest to protect your kind heart on every date. One day, you won’t have to regretfully bite your tongue when they ask you what you’re anticipating for hoping they don’t mould themselves into what you say.
One day, you won’t have to give away your smartphone number with the thought that you might be just a normal number. One day, you won’t have to see it in some confusing complicated sign language to believe it to be real love. One day, you won’t have to do any fake laughs. One day, you won’t have to sell yourself short desperately hoping that it will keep the relationship together. You won’t have to be loyal to checking on them secretly to see if they are loyal to you. One day, you won’t have to act nice anymore towards the person you are not interested just because you don’t want to hurt his/her feelings.
One day, you won’t have to desperately feed yourself with some fascinating lies to satisfy your need for attention, affection, quality time or faithfulness. One day, you don’t have to change who you are to impress someone. One day, you will no longer fight to hold on to toxic wasteful relationships, treating the wrong people as oxygen, harming yourself from the inside.
There will be no need for any more for pimps and players to just come and rob you of all the treasured qualities you offer and just walk out of your lives. One day, you will stop speculating why it never worked with people before. Your dear heart won’t be played with, your beloved emotions shall not be played with and then left on the dirt. You won’t have to wildly dream and constantly pray about receiving respect, effort, loyalty and care from someone. One day, you will marry your best friend, love will be true to you. Patience, that day shall arrive.
“She is powerful. A powerful force that can resurrect the good man buried in any man. A power to forgive lives within her, one that can cause evert skeleton within a man’s closet to feel invisible and of no significance.” – P.A
First off, commitment. I’m not only talking about that sort of commitment where the two partners want a lasting non-cheating relationship, I’m talking about the sort of commitment that makes a relationship deep. Today, I feel that many people are not interested in a deeper commitment or perhaps lack how to form a deep committed relationship. As time goes, something in our attitudes and behaviour towards commitment keeps changing, to the worse. It seems that as if a lot of young men and women seem to be progressively delaying or avoiding meaningful relationships, and sadly especially marriages. I asked myself, why suddenly, a huge portion of people, suddenly seem to have this phobia from commitment? But more important, what can be done about this.
A theory of relationship by Carl Rusbult called Interdependency theory. It shows and explains the roots of long-term relationships and an everlasting special commitment. The theory states that a partner commits to the other partner in the relationship to the extent that they are dependent on that partner. This dependence level is an outcome or the result of a few factors.
First is satisfaction. This is where by the individual gains many benefits out of this relationship, with few ‘costs’ from the other partner. Second is alternatives. This is when the individual cannot get their needs met better elsewhere. Third is investment, this happens when the individual has several important resources devoted to the partner. These factors along with dependence, foster feelings of commitment - attachment to a partner and a real desire to further develop the relationship. Longitudinal studies by Rusbult (1987) supports this model. The study concluded that increased commitment was related to partner’s increases in satisfaction, increases in investment and a decline in alternatives.
In contrast, those who divorced or broke up evidenced momentous declines in investment, decreased satisfaction and in increase in the quality of alternatives before the break. Recent social changes unfortunately altered the modern romantic landscape. Societal changes have also made romantic commitments less appealing in general. If you feel that you are stuck in a relationship where it lacks commitment or when there is no motivation for a deeper relationship, then simply follow the three factors of interdependence theory.
First is to find complements. Even at your absolute best, not all people is going to value or appreciate what you are offering because some people may prefer other alternatives. Therefore, it is imperative that you find someone whom you complement and who has a strong desire and appreciation for what you provide.
Second is to be satisfying, consider your partner’s needs and strive to create pleasant exchanges. Also, keep up your physical appearance and positive personality, and share your unique skills and features with your love.
Third is to seek investment. A commitment in a relationship requires two people sharing the work with passion. Ensure that your partner invest in the relationship and to take care of your needs too.
“This generation has lost the true meaning of romance. There are so many songs that disrespect women. You can’t treat the woman you love like a piece of meat. You should treat your love like a princess. Give her love songs, something with real meaning. Maybe I’m old fashioned but to respect the woman you love should be a priority.” – Tom Hiddleston
All successful relationships tend to have one thing in common and that is that the two partners support each other’s passion. Perhaps an example would further elaborate my point. Alright, my real passion is entrepreneurship and technology. And no, blog is not a passion of mine but rather it’s a ‘hobby’, there is a difference, I will explain what I mean by that at the end of this blog post. Anyways, I invested (still am) a huge portion of my precious time into these long-term projects that is all about technology and then applying my still-building entrepreneurial skills into them in real life.
I don’t really share any information about my classified projects that I am working but for the sake of the point that I am trying to make here, I will share one of them. I am on the process of working on an app for Google play store and maybe, just maybe, Apple app store as well. I’m not going into the details of the app [Classified] but one thing for sure is that it’s a long-term project as in not this year but probably by end of 2018 for it to be commercially available.
So, let’s say I were to be in a relationship with someone. Having that partner supporting me with those projects that I am working on is something that I incredibly value deep inside my heart. It doesn’t even have to be supporting in the aspect of learning coding to help me build the app but rather, spiritual support is what I am mostly referring to.
To have my partner standing by my side and believing in me even through tough times. To have my partner’s arms as the arms of someone who will not only hold me at my best, but will also pick me up and hug me tight at my weakest moment. This is treasure, words cannot describe a partner who is like that.
Same for the opposite side of course. If let’s say my partner has a huge passion in arts, I would financially support her, spiritually support her, always on her side and happy to get out of my comfort zone for her investment to be worthwhile, so I can see that beautiful smile on her face, to try my best for making sure that what she loves working on is succeeding.
That way, there is thinking about each other more, and caring about each other more. It builds up a long-term value in the relationship as well as this encouragement of supporting each other’s goals and that leads to a substantial increase in inner happiness and the two partners valuing and appreciating each other more. Don’t get me wrong, cultivating your responsibilities are crucial and obviously, trying to devise some precious time with your love is imperative to your relationship, fostering personal growth is also quite significant for long-term inner happiness, but that should be mostly done before involving yourself with anyone.
New interests or passion can easily contravene on our other serious responsibilities, and this is a real concern. Passions occasionally cost money and time, but that is not what mainly causes tension for couples. Instead, it’s the feeling of jealousy. As in, she might think that oh, he’d rather spend some time with his drums than with me. Or when he assumes that she totally ignores him when she’s working on her drawings. And sometimes even worse than that, some people sadly, would be jealous of their partner’s success, especially if it is the woman that is bringing in more money, or is more well known. Those things are poisonous, to yourself and to the relationship.
Try to not see yourself as an outside observer to your partner’s passion/interest. Rather, how about seeing yourself as an important part to your partner’s interest? An active participant, a partner who wants to see them happy with what they like working on. This is where a loyal relationship is formed.
Now obviously, you determine what is your passion, yourself. But that doesn’t mean that we can’t be involved in our partner’s favourite things, because trying to understand the other’s passions or trying their hobbies can result into a special bonding with your spouse.
When couples start supporting, it helps to cherish a sense of being loved “for who you are,” as it can lead to bigger accomplishments meaning more confidence and increased self-worth, both qualities that make us more attractive to our partners. In conclusion, we must help our partners in their ventures – if it makes them cheerful and jubilant, we should do everything we can to assist them seek their aims. We must be able to rise individually so we can profitably develop as a couple.
Have a partner who has the true passion to love, who believes in true love. Because no matter how different your partner is from you, whether in some opinions, in hobbies or culture… having respect and an unconditional love would always bring you back to the butterfly first date avenue. Though what people always miss is the core. The core of each couple must be the same. Because without that, yes respect will be there, but the amorous love would not… How to know? It is the click. That click you feel with any relationship, not just romantic. It’s the voice that tells us not to really be friends with that person after one or two conversations, it’s the inner voice, your inner core rejecting a mismatch. Love at first sight are tales. But clicks are real.
“They say ‘behind every great man, is a good woman,’ but also at the foundation of every great man, is the love of a woman.” - NA
“One of the greatest qualities in a woman is the ability to build up a man and make him better even when he is independent. A woman is simply being a woman to a man who values her, can bring out the best in him. Eve was created to be a helpmate to Adam. He was incomplete with a partner. Eve was a compliment to him and added to who he was. They say ‘behind every great man, is a good woman,’ but also at the foundation of every great man, is the love of a woman.” - NA
Pornography. Unexpected huh? You will be surprised of how pornography can literally destroy the spirit of a romantic relationship. Don’t be all shy now and act like a 7-year-old when you read that word. It’s a serious matter that needs to be discussed about to let you guys understand behind the scenes effect. It’s a deep topic but don’t worry, there are other aspects of relationship covered in this post right after pornography.
What you are about to read is not entirely just made up by me but rather it’s proven by many studies from a variety of universities, organizations, scientists and even a huge portion of couples go through that. Thus, quotes aside, the aspect of pornography will be the only part of this blog that it’s words are based from websites which thus, references to the websites will be put here.
First, porn-free relationships are more stable, with a lower rate of infidelity. That’s what Amanda Maddox and her colleagues discovered in a study of women and men, ages 17 to 34, who were in romantic relationships. The study measured the levels of infidelity, dedication, sexual satisfaction, negative communication and relationship adjustments. They found out that 76.8% of men and 34.6% of women looked at sexually implicit materials alone. They found out that people who didn’t view any porn during their relationship had lower levels of negative communication, had higher sexual satisfaction, were more committed to the relationship and relationship adjustment. Their rate of infidelity was at least half of those who had watched sexual materials alone and with their partners.
Second, watching porn diminishes relationship commitment. What these researchers identified is that watching porn reminds you of all the potential sexual partners out there, which thus, lowers your dedication to the person you’re involved with. It also leads you to swap out the person who’s sleeping in bed with you for some fantasy person you’ve never met (and probably never will). Does that sound healthy?
Nathaniel Lambert, Sesen Negash and others conducted five separate experiments to find out. In the first, they asked participants, age 17 to 26, who were in relationships about their porn consumption and measured levels of commitment. They found that porn consumption lowered commitment in both men and women, but with a stronger effect on men.
In their second study, they had independent observers watch videos of couples performing an interactive task—one partner was blind-folded and had to draw something while the other gave instructions. Among the observers, lower commitment was observed among porn users.
The third study only tested participants who had consumed porn. They had half the group give up porn for three weeks. The other half was asked to give up their favourite food, but were allowed to watch porn. The result? Those who had abstained from sexually explicit material showed increased commitment to the relationship at the end of the three weeks.
The last two studies focused on the effect of greater attentiveness to alternatives on potential infidelity and infidelity itself. And yes, people who watched porn were more likely to engage in flirting (and more) outside their relationships in one experiment; and more likely to cheat and hook-up in the other. Porn may make the idea of multiple sexual partners more appealing—another wound to a committed relationship. And that’s exactly what they found.
In one study, the researchers found that people who thought about porn they’d watched reported having better alternatives to their current relationship than those who didn’t. A second study showed that, over time, exposure to porn was a robust predictor of infidelity. Pornography is not as benign as you think, especially when it comes to romantic relationships.
Porn teaches viewers to objectify their partner. A recent study found that though porn objectifies and dehumanizes both men and women, elements of gender inequality are frequently at play, with men's faces going unshown in many cases, but women depicted more as objects. Another study analysed hundreds of scenes in popular porn, and found that 88% of them depicted violent behaviour toward women. Porn can deceive viewers into looking at every person as though they were an object available to them specifically for their own pleasure, and not as a person who is created in the image of God.
Sex is meant to be enjoyed by a couple who love and respect one another. A healthy, romantic relationship is cultivated through physical, intellectual and emotional connections. If one is removed, the entire relationship will crumble. Some women are put in a position where they feel they must compete for sexual and emotional attention with the women in the porn their boyfriends or husbands watch. The “fantasy women” in pornography are portrayed as unrealistically sexually attractive, often because of plastic surgery, stage makeup and digital editing. It is impossible for a real woman to match up to these fantasy women, which can make her feel inferior and insecure.
Studies show that watching porn decreases sexual pleasure. Some porn addicts even desire porn more than they want to be intimate with a real partner. Also, porn annihilates trust. There is an extreme level of hurt caused by finding out your partner is addicted to pornography because it can feel as though your partner has been cheating.
With porn, you can’t get aroused by “just” your spouse. Porn stimulates the arousal centres in the brain. When it’s accompanied by orgasm, then a chemical reaction happens and hormones are released. In effect, our brains start to associate arousal with an image, an idea, or a video, rather than a person. When you don’t watch porn, and save yourself until marriage, then all those chemicals and hormones are released for the first time when you’re with your spouse, and it causes you to bond intensely (and sexually) to your spouse. But when you spend a ton of time teaching your brain to associate arousal and release with pornography, your brain can’t associate arousal and release with a person anymore. Either you must fantasize about the porn, and get those images there, or you must watch porn first. Often people can “complete the act”, but it’s not intense for them the way porn is. You’ve rewired your brain, and now you’re salivating at the wrong thing.
Another damage is that porn can make you sexually lazy. In porn, everyone is turned on all the time. You don’t have to make any effort to arouse someone; it’s automatic. And so, if your spouse isn’t aroused you start to think that it’s somehow their fault. There’s no expectation that we will have to “woo” someone or be affectionate and help jumpstart that arousal process. It’s almost as if we approach sex as two different beings and we’re just using each other, rather than thinking of each other. And thus, we never learn how to please the other or become a good lover because we’re always thinking that the other is somehow “frigid”. Sex is about getting my needs met; it isn’t about meeting someone else’s needs or experiencing something wonderful together.
Porn also turns ‘making love’ into a foreign concept. Those arousal centres and pleasure centres in our brain are supposed to associate sex with physical pleasure and a real sense of intimacy. But the intimacy doesn’t happen with porn, and so the pleasure is all that registers. Thus, sex becomes about the body, and not about intimacy. In fact, the idea of being intimate isn’t even sexy anymore; anonymous is what’s sexy. We may call “having sex” “making love”, but they aren’t necessarily the same thing. Someone who has used porn extensively often has a difficult time experiencing any intimacy during sex, because those arousal and pleasure centres zero in only on the body. And porn shows you that only certain body types are attractive. It’s not about the whole person; it’s just a certain type of person. If a woman gains even ten pounds, then, she’s no longer attractive, and the porn user has an honest to goodness difficult time getting aroused, because he associates only a certain body type with arousal.
Porn also causes selfishness. All of this causes a spiral of selfishness where the person ignores his spouse’s needs and is focused only on getting what he wants, and getting it instantly. Often this manifests itself in other areas of the relationship as well, where the spouse becomes annoyed if they must wait for something, or if they don’t get what they want. Porn has sold them the message: you deserve pleasure when you want it. You shouldn’t have to work to get what you want. Your needs are paramount.
Last but not the least, pornography Impacts sexual intimacy negatively. Pornography impacts sexual intimacy in several ways. Sexual intimacy requires trust, and pornography is a type of infidelity. Sexual intimacy requires openness, and pornography introduces shame and dishonesty. Sexual intimacy requires a relaxed and carefree environment, pornography introduces sexual trauma, posttraumatic stress, and anxiety about the bedroom. Sexual intimacy requires that we feel physically desirable, but desirability is shattered when porn enters the bedroom. Sexual intimacy often requires emotional intimacy, but often pornography creates emotional distance as the betrayed spouse withdraws and becomes closed off.
If we go back, we said special means better, greater and different than the usual. While a relationship is defined as the way in which two people are connected. Avoiding pornography is literally one of, if not, the biggest factor that can turn a normal relationship into a special one, we as teenagers don’t see the true value in it until we apply it.
“You were a mime of love. A mute lover you defined “I love you” through actions. You showed me what, “I love you” is supposed to look like when it’s truly from the depth of someone’s heart. You were a demonstrator. Humanistic love in the flesh. The way you treated me solidified your loving words and spoke to my senses.” – N/A
A relationship is special when your partner is the calm & peace for you. To my future love, you will be the calm that can endorse me through any storm. The calm that can comfort me to bravely walk through difficulties with confidence. The calm that functions as a constant reminder that faith is as vital as breathing.
“Sometimes, all what a girl wants is for you to fight for her. Make her believe that you want this relationship more than she does.” - Steve C
Special relationship always has a special makeup on the queen. Here is the special makeup. A Queen that wears confidence as if it is her most special dress. When she puts on dignity daily as though it is her most-beloved makeup. A Queen that wears her appealing smile, even on the darkest of days. Wisdom is usually dancing on her lips like the red lipsticks that would make it hard for her partner to control his lust when she wears it.
A Queen that wears her heart on her King’s sleeve without fear. A Queen that dresses with the armour of light to fight every battle the devil shall offer. The Queen that is a stand-up, independent lady, one who deserves to take a great bow for her. A woman like you, I pray, that one day my daughter become. A Queen like this is one heck of a woman and it makes my heart especially, melt, fast.
Today, a lot of women can feel very pressured because of all the beauty and makeup products out there that leads to this unnecessary competition and one that shifts romance into a fake realm rather than the truth. For all the women, out there, who feel they don’t have the latest makeup products or not the same body shape as what most advertisements and other media shows, I have a message for you.
When you are in a special relationship, you don’t need all that. No need for what? You don’t need to be a bit taller or shorter in height, you just need to stand up for yourself and what you believe in. You don’t need attractive hair, you need to have a trustworthy head on your shoulder. You don’t need to be more of a bad girl, you must embody being a good woman and understand what’s popular is usually corruption. Bad is extremely fun, but good is of high quality and it lasts. There is no need for you to be prettier. You do, however, need to stop contemplate and compare what you see in your mirror to what you see on the television screen. One is reality and the other is artificial. No need to be a little skinnier or have a more ‘model body’. Those models are fake products. Photoshop is absurd, unachievable beauty marketed as natural beauty.
You don’t need your skin to be darker, lighter or anything else in that matter. You don’t need your nose to be structured differently, or your lips to be resized etc. In a special relationship, you don’t need all that and your real King will remind you that because he would love you for who you are, no need to change yourself. Embrace who you are. Learn to be delightful and cheer with who God made you. Develop a mindset that the creator doesn’t make mistakes. This is the kind of makeup that I care about. Honestly, that’s just my opinion, I don’t even like it when I see too much makeup put on a woman. Because it encourages this environment of insecurity, person-less and fake, you know what I mean? Also, it is much of a trickery not only to your partner but to your relationship.
For example, men who value physical looks more (94% of men according to one study [shame]), the cheap ones, will be more likely to fall for you if you wear the bridal make up every day and put on a surgery here and there, so congrats, when that is all gone, he is gone too. Also. It’s a form of respect to be real to your partner, not only personality and emotional wise but also physically. Because at the end, they both make up you. And if you’re faking one of the things that make up you, then it’ll hurt the relationship. So, stay real, and indeed real sweet love will come.
You deserve more of their attention than their phone does. You deserve quality time, not just time. You deserve effort, not just routines. You deserve to be treated as if you are a priority, not the last thing on their checklist. You deserve to be treated as a Queen. You are special and deserve to be the only special option. If that is too much to ask, then you are simply asking it from the wrong person. If begging ever becomes your last approach to receive those things which ought to be freely given, it’s safe to say, you are out of your mind. Begging to loved is an emotional suicide. It’s like a queen begging her servants to serve her. Insanity it is, for a woman like you to come second or second to last on everything. It would be an injustice for a woman like you to ever fall for a person whose words aren’t soaked in integrity and seasoned with consistency.
“The most desired gift of love is not diamonds or roses or chocolate. It is focused attention.” - Laila Warton
Many people can tend to rush when it comes to relationships. My philosophy is, when it comes to finding love, is that love is not something you catch, it is rather, something that catches you, by surprise most of the time. It is something that you fall into, and even when try to grab on to it yourself, it’s mighty power won’t allow you to break your fall. Love isn’t something you just trip into, it is something you somehow prepare yourself to be gravitated towards it.
Love is meant to search and eventually find you if you’re heading to the right direction, the direction that seems to be so uncertain at the start. Indeed, patience is a virtue. It will be a blessing that is set in your path. Never try to chase it. Chasing love is like chasing wind; You will feel what it’s like but you will never retain it. Love after all, is more than just feelings. Love doesn’t come and go. Chasing love will cause you to choose the wrong precious vessels and attempt to suck it out of every soul to which you became emotionally attached. My friends, love is a force that can’t be forced. Let it find you. It knows your address and who it is supposed to deliver it to you, unexpectedly. You will find “Nemo” before you ever find love. Well, special love. Let it find you.
“He stepped down, trying not to look long at her, as if she were the sun, yet he saw her, like the sun, even without looking.” —Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
Even after you’ve been fooled and manipulated countless times, you have yet to lose your dear mind. Even after you’ve been emotionally and physically abused, you still have the courage to forgive. Even after being heartbroken many times before, you continue to nourish until the pieces come back together and continue being available to love with such confidence that it will be real for you one day, it shall. Even with all the troubles you’ve faced in the name of love, you have yet to curse love nor give up.
Confidence. After all, the sexiest thing a King can wear is his confidence. But don’t confuse confidence with being cocky, which is a problem that a lot of young men and women seem to have, they find it hard to differentiate. A truly confident man is calm, patient, kind, and knows his worth. This does become tricky when a guy is overly confident, to the point that he comes across like a jerk. Guys should try not to be pushy or rude. They should at least have enough confidence to know what they want, and go after it! Same for the women.
“Women like direct [Confident] men the same way a salsa dancer likes a good lead. When there is clarity and direction, she feels relaxed. If she can’t trust his movements, they step on one another’s toes. If he is direct and clear in his leadership, however, everyone wins.” – David Klow
That’s it for confidence. Just a glimpse of it. Here is an important point that I need to touch on. You see, for me, I can tend to be very romantic deep inside but the thing is, I don’t show it, on purpose. I look around me and what do I see when it comes to love? I see a world of young men and women mostly, desperate for a relationship, it became a market whereby teens are having a show off contest to get attention, I find that pathetic. They wake up, and they have this goal in mind to impress the opposite gender to show who has the full package. Perhaps I can show you a quote now from Pierre Alex Jeanty who can just give a glimpse of what I mean here.
“I know that it looks like love and it feels like love but it’s only for a moment, and deep down you know it. If you open your eyes to see the red flags, you’ll see how red consumes you. You’ll see a pool of blood around you and realize the source is the wound you caused from stabbing yourself in the heart countless times leaving a trial of inflicted pain. If you’d only silence your emotions and be patient, you’ll see what you continue to walk into is a minefield of disappointment with a bomb attached to your heart counting down the time until you commit emotional suicide. Shattering your own heart into pieces because you want attention more than you desire real love.” – Pierre Alex Jeanty
People, young ones especially, just flirt to all kinds of the opposite gender that they are friends with because you know, they must keep up or maintain their status or importance and what not. Stand out, wok on your goals and be patient. An example of corruption is sadly how some women would just like men who have all those flexible muscles, big body and what not. For all men who feel sad that they don’t have that, I have a message for you too and that message shall also awaken some women to qualities that they are really looking for. Here it is.
A real woman wants a strong man, not one with muscles that resembles hulk, but one able to endure the obstacles that come with life. She wants a man who challenges her to grow successful, rather than one who contributes to the difficulties life places in her path. She desires a partner, a teammate, one willing to support her as she assists him. She wants a man of respect, integrity, values, and of faith. She wanted more than what her senses find intriguing but what can only be felt by his heart. She is looking for a man who could uplift her more than he can lift her. She wants a strong man, but one of strength greater than physical strength. This is my message, this is my perspective.
And what is with this rule of men must/should text first? it is absolutely, ridiculously stupid. Like, are you serious? I will never ever be in a relationship where I’m expected to text first every time, hell no. There is nothing special about that at all. It’s immature for all women out there who expect men to just text first or their love, I’m sorry. But when it comes to true love or even friendship, it doesn’t god damn matter who texts first. We aren’t 9 year olds. Men texting first is not a way to show to you ladies that he is a gentleman.
But here is the thing, texting game is just a part of the whole misunderstanding that the society is teaching us as the norm. I mean love became so complicated and that’s a huge problem. That’s why special relationships are rare. Society is teaching that approaching love is systematic guide, a complicated maze. Where girls must play hard to get, and boys must act in a certain way, expected to read a girl’s minds as a sort of a challenge, for girls to expect boys to approach them first, boys constantly trying different ‘societal methods’ and all that whatnot. Special relationships don’t follow that crap. And that’s exactly why they are called special. Different than the usual, in a crazy good way, they respect love and what society is teaching is to disrespect love.
“You knew your worth. You never allowed your desire for love to lead you to bargain with anyone who couldn’t see that you were priceless. You discovered carefully and discounted the image many men were selling themselves to be. PLAYERS, pimps…pirates looking for booty. You didn’t settle. You believed dust to be the only thing that should settle. You had a love to offer that would never cease, like the waves of the ocean, and any man who was trying to get in the ship for the sake of relations and nothing more, you let drown alone in the tsunami of their lies.
You wanted consistency. You wanted effort. You asked for loyalty and reciprocity. You treasured yourself and opened your eyes to see the true intentions of these pirates. Some men are looking to rob you of your purity as if you’re nothing more than a piece of meat to a dog. You love-you- far too much to compromise for too little. Any man who couldn’t offer anything more than his best, you turned from. You refused to rely on your emotions to pick for whom you’d fall, but put your faith instead in the wisdom of God’s guidance. You never settled for less than you deserved even when what you deserved never came. You knew your worth.” - A.J
It’s annoying, at least for me. I’m not saying women must text first but rather, both just text when they want to text, don’t have this waiting game all around you. Life is too short for this crap. Just go ahead. Same can be said with approaching. I feel that, many people can be shy admitting their crush that they love them. They fear that they might get rejected and ultimately embarrassed but bear in mind that just because your crush doesn’t have that same feelings towards you at this instantaneous moment does not mean it’s not worth to express your feelings towards him/her.
As a matter of fact, many of relationships, good relationships were based on one of them having a crush on the other while that other person does not have the same feelings towards him/her in the beginning. You must give it a shot because that person that you have a crush on might not realize your importance to his/her life until later on. People change but if you are too afraid to admit I love you to a person then I feel sad for you because it’s like you are living on a cage, you limited yourself, you perhaps, missed a ‘special opportunity’. Don’t let fear interrupt a golden chance.
I have a message for you, my future love. I don’t even know who you are, a person yet to meet? Already friend of mine from now? Whoever you are, I’m reserving all the qualities to you and only you. I’ve been isolating from the dark environment to prepare my presence to you. All the qualities are reserved, for you.
In my life, I have witnessed around 85 relationships whether they are my friend’s relationships, a friend of friend, close friend, whatever. Out of all the relationships that I know and saw the couples, very few are special. Very few. I know a special relationship when I see one. Many people asked me if I read romantic books or take courses to come up with these points and write those blog posts. But believe it or not, I have never ever read a book or even watched a single video about love. Never opened a how to guide website, never read a page, never asked for advice, nothing. I only watch romantic/romance-comedy movies, that’s it. This is all out of my pure thinking. I don’t need to be in a relationship to have experience. I’m not interested to be an experiment whereby I be in multiple relationships throughout my life like what many people unfortunately these days’ desire. me, every year, I tend to have objectives/goals that I want to achieve. Looking for a relationship is not one of them. Not having it as an objective does not mean I’m not interested, it means I’m not desperate for it, I have other goals to achieve. It's a different case when some admits love to me. But I witness, I observe. A solitary observer.
For me, every year, I tend to have objectives/goals that I want to achieve. Looking for a relationship is not one of them. Not having it as an objective does not mean I’m not interested, it means I’m not desperate for it (It's a different case when someone admits love to me), I have other goals to achieve. I don't hunt and I also don't bother to find out who would be interested in me.
In conclusion, there are a lot of aspects to consider for a relationship to be classified as a special one. The ones we covered here are obviously not all of them (not even like 5% of it) and we didn’t even go deep into any of them that is covered here (except pornography maybe). There is much more to cover. But as I said in “The corruption of love”, to go into the depth and cover all aspects of even a category in love, I might as well just end up writing a book series, instead, I make a brief blog posts every once in a while, about love in general to help as much as I can. That’s why I’m making this blog, to assist, to share my perspective of things.
Now, will I continue to make other love blog posts? It depends. If I see some demand from people telling me whether face to face or via the internet, that they want more posts like that then I might end up doing it. However, if people just read and give me no response then even if 100,000+ people read it but I don’t have any reviews or feedback then why continue when there are other interests that I can work on that will make other people pleased with it?
Anyways, it’s been a pleasure writing this and I encountered some chats whereby couples asked me for some help regarding love which is great, I like to help other people and see their relationships succeed. Few asked me to even direct a romantic movie (If I would, it would be way better than La La Land obviously J) but unless I can get a bank loan of $75 million and a partnership with Sony pictures entertainment then unfortunately I can’t. This is special relationships. Anas Mangoush is out. Thank you.
Written by: Anas Mangoush
Edited by: Dana Mangoush
